Mini series: Unexpected consequences of changing your relationship to money
Lesson #1 l I fell in fall in love with the subject
Hello ladies , Hola chicas, Bonjour mesdames,
I hope you are doing well. The sun is shining on this lovely Dutch Monday afternoon and I am really excited about this series of 3 I am composing on top of a post on crypto I thought it would be worth sharing. But, that’s for later. For now, it is time to catch up because you may or may not have noticed but I am really F****ing behind on my newsletter updates! Yes, I went on vacation and my schedule went to shit. (I am really sorry, I like to swear a bit too much and being politically incorrect!) I have 1 child, only 1 so it should be manageable but, man, a 2 year old takes a lot of time, dedication and energy. And they get up early and really energised.
As I am writing this new post, I also want to thank you for being here and reading what I hope to become a community of many. Please do know you can reach out to ask me anything or comment on the posts. I love interaction and this place is for you so the more feedback I get, the better it gets. So, I put those little buttons below so you can do easily!
All right, enough said. today’s newsletter is a story with a really important message (well, at least I think so since I am writing about it). I would like each one of you to know about this because I don’t think anyone ever mentions it. At least, I don’t think I have read much about that at all. The message is fairly simple and it is something I realized while talking to someone about the newsletter and podcast I have launched on my mission to get women to learn and do personal finance. As we were conversing about our relationship with money, I said to the woman I was speaking to: I actually love everything about personal finance and money now. I really enjoy the subject, reading about it, looking at my portfolio and getting better overall. I am not sure anyone really expects that from taking care of one’s finances (at least, I did not!) but it seems it is something we were really sharing. And, it is good news, is it not? It means that if you are starting, or want to, but feel anxious about the word “money” itself, there is a lot of hope. It means that, at some point, you might just really have fun with it.
I started my money journey in my mid 30s feeling like a kiwi amongst bananas. It actually started with an audiobook called Prosperity consciousness by Fredric Lehrman. I listened to it with dedication, took notes and did all the exercises. Honestly, it helped me a lot to get started transforming my relationship to money and my management of it. It was a stepping stone in realising the issues I had with money. I think I remember the money affirmations the most and you may not believe in affirmations but they work. I wrote them down as it works best for my memory and I actually go back to them now and then when I feel like I need that. Affirmations do not work in and by themselves but they can be part of a toolkit.
When I started this journey, I had like 300 euros of savings and nothing more. I also had no idea I could or should invest. Needless to say, I had no idea how I would go about that either. I also consistently went on overdraft (it was so easy to do so while living in France because banks distribute a standard card that is both debit and credit. I really hate that system which is built to get you into a loop of money problems. I would recommend to cut these things off if you are dependent on them! We keep hearing about how interest rates are high at 4 or 5% when buying a house but no one seems to worry about 18% interest rates on these mini loans which can have desastrous impacts on people’s lives…. I owned a Galeries Lafayettes’s credit card (famous Paris department store) for a while but ended up cutting it into 2 pieces. I had never gone over 1000 euros of debt on the card but it was more than I could afford and interest rates on these are also REALLY high! A scam. And I think that, for once, I had my head in the right place!
If you responded to the poll, thanks a bunch!
Ok, let me continue on the main topic. When I got started, I also had absolutely no plans or thoughts about a pension. Actually, the subject bore me to death I lived from paycheck to paycheck and did not really know how to change that though I had a growing desire to detach myself from that dependency. I had 1 thing though and that’s thanks to my mom: an apartment. I bougtht an apartment in the area of Paris in my early 30s which turned to out to be a good investment when I sold it 3 years ago. The apartment was cheap(ish) because the area was still old and needed renovation such as the apartment itself but I come from a family of people working with their hands and that came in handy at that time. My apartment cost me around 165K and at that time, I could take a loan for the full amount which I did. I sold it for 235 9 years later. The profits paid part of the house in which my little bum is sitting now.
But, worse than having no knowledge about money and not much money, money gave me a lot of anxiety. A LOT. Opening my bank account would make my heart sink a bit sometimes because I knew it would not look good. I have always had a real issue with mental accounting. Say, I get 50 euros: I will think of 10 ways to spend it, end up spending it 2 or 3 times, regret 1 expense and surely the consequence on my bank account. I have never taken overdraft to the extent of being in really deep shit. I think I have usually had some kind of mental alert: Dorothy, you are now entering the deep red zone. Stop. But, it means that I have spent a lot of my adult life spending more money than I would have AND often spending it before I would even have it. And when came the time to pay taxes, oh my F****ing God! That was no longer anxiety. It was a proper panick attack.
And, now, comes the BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG BUT because what I am describing above is really ancient history (well, maybe not always for spending something twice but it is really not common). Once in a while, the old lack of money fear also creeps in but I am able to quickly turn it around and remind myself I know better. And, more powerful than this, instead of feeling anxious, I feel excited about the subject. I like checking my balance, my investments and knowing that I have money aside. 7 years after the initial eureka momeny when I realised I needed to address the subject of money because it impaired my life goals, I have reframed a lot of my money wires so that they feel good. I seek money information and read about it often. I learn weekly about it. I improve my management of it on a regular basis and I am no longer afraid of it. I have been freelancing for about 2.5 years. When I get paid, I automatically put tax and other dues on a specific account which I am not allowed to touch unless it is to pay taxes. It means that when I need to pay my income tax of 30K I do not need to freak out. I am ok. It is a virtuous circle you get into. You take pleasure and pride in managing your life better. It also impacts your self-esteem a lot.
Additionally, I absolutely LOVE talking about money with other people and especially women and I encourage you to open conversations about it, to ask questions. Money can be such a taboo and it should not. Since no one is teaching us money, we need to teach each other and there is definitely someone in your network who knows about it but has not come forward or said much about it. A reference to a Sex and the city episode comes to mind now (and I am thinking how much this reference sounds old now but hey!) where the lead character, Carrie, realises her work is lots after her laptop crashed because she did not back up. As she shares her sheer devastation with her friends, she realises she is the only one not backing up but no one ever told her they were doing so. So, ladies, speak UP, ask UP! And remember this wherever you are on your money journey: once you get acquainted with your money in a positive manner, it is very likely you will fall in love with it. And it will make you stronger in more ways than you think.
If you have not started your money journey but want to: I highly recommend you start with understanding your money mindset. It will affect how you embark on the journey and what you decide to focus on.
If you have started but you are in the early days, have you felt any small moment of joy or pride while opening your investment account or such? These feelings will grow stronger.
If you are a little more advanced, keep going as I am sure you understanding what I am talking about.
And, please do know that although I mention a lot of wins, I have a pretty tight lists of things I still want to improve amongst which monthly accouting, my pension plan, my investment portfolio diversification, my freelance fee, my French life insurance which is below optimised and more….
Ok, that’s it for today. That’s a lot already. Ladies, if you remember one thing from any of the above is just f****ing start or keep going! And if you are having issues doing so, just email me.
***A small warning about the book from Fredric Lehrman: if you are going to listen to it, be aware that some of the strategies are a bit outdated and need to be adapted to how we deal with our money and payments in 2024 and in Europe if you are in Europe. He does mention things life checks and well, where I live, it is a thing of the past!
Much love ladies,
See you next week!
Dorothy